Conflicted
by DinozzoFan14
Summary: There was no rebellion. Katniss returns to District 12. She assumed she would die in the games but survived with love as an unexpected consequence. But she was already in love with Gale. Heartbreak Confusion. Can you love two people? Gale doesn't think so. Katniss/Peeta & Katniss/Gale
1. Back To District 12

**Back To District 12.**

I felt confused. There was no other way to describe the conflicting emotions racing around my head. There would be no rebellion. Any hopes for that had been dashed already; people were too frightened of the suffering that would occur. Life was slowly returning to the way I had always known it to be. But it would never be the exact same. I had a new house away from the seam. But the biggest change was my life plan. This is why I find myself sitting in the train compartment alone trying to get my emotions in order. It's an impossible task. How can someone love two people? Surely you only have the desire to spend your life in the company of only one other person. I've heard the rumours of people taking on a lover in their marriage but I always believed that was a sexual need. This is different. This is love for each of them.

I hear someone coming down the hall and stopping outside my room, I wait for them to come in but no-one does. I know it was Peeta. He's confused as well, I had him totally convinced that he was the only one for me but he's not. It was survivor's instinct to play the part of loving him. It was such a simple solution to the horror of being in the games I never intended for that part to change so dramatically. To actually find myself falling in love with someone who was going to die, even if I had prepared myself for death. It hadn't mattered that I loved two people then, because I wasn't going to see the other one ever again.

The train was slowing down and I could see District 12 coming back into my vision. It may not seem like much to the people I had met in the Capitol but it was home and I had missed it. Getting my things together from my room, I give one last glance around the room. I'm torn, I like the idea of remaining in this room forever, and I know what's waiting for me when I get off this train. Heartbreak, angst, sadness, confusion, every emotion that I am feeling right now will be multiplied and felt by others. Maybe I will be the only one who feels as bad as I do now, I don't exactly know how the other person feels about me, and I may have blown this out of proportion. I hope not. I love him. I think he loves me. He's always been there in my life; people believed we would eventually end up together. We never spoke about it out loud to each other but we both thought about it. The Hunger Games got in the way. It changed my life. In ways I didn't even imagine. I was too busy trying to think about what my death would mean to the people I had left at home, not about what my actions would cause when I returned. When I returned with another, someone who loved me, an unplanned consequence of survival. Someone is knocking on the door, time to face District 12. It's time to face Gale.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Woods**

Peeta wasn't there when I opened the door to leave my room. Haymitch was at the bottom of the hallway when I came out. He gave me a small smile before heading towards the exit. I spoke to him briefly about how I felt right after the games. He didn't have much advice, not that I would have listened to what he said but sometimes it's better to hear another person's opinion on what you are going through. Even if they have no idea themselves. I can hear the shouts of those outside already, Peeta must have opened the exit door already. I follow in the direction Haymitch went and see the light creeping in from the open door. I can smell the distinct smells from District 12, flooding me with memories of my time with Gale in the woods. I edge slowly towards the door, unsure what to expect. Will Gale even be here to greet me? He just watched me kiss Peeta on live television, watched me fall in love with him, and was he hurt? Does he even care? I try to remind myself that he may not even feel that way for me but it's hard when I know how I feel for him.

I'm at the door quicker than I wanted to be, stepping out I am rushed by Prim, gripping my waist in a tight hug. I forget everything as I embrace her. Happy to see she looks healthy, the people of 12 must have done their best to look after her when I was gone. Gale would have, he promised. When my thoughts return to Gale I avidly glance around for a glimpse of him. My face begins to fall as I can't pull his face from the people in the crowd. Finally I spot him at the far back, he looks even more handsome than ever, he's leaning against a tree, half of his face is shadowed, his eyes bore into mine and I am frozen in time. He looks angry but there's another emotion on his face that I can't interpret. I start to head towards him when someone grabs my hand. I know who it is before I turn and I want to cry. It's happening already, the decisions. I want to walk to Gale but Peeta has a hold of my hand. I can't walk over to Gale holding Peetas hand.

"Katniss" Peetas voice breaks through my internal debate. "They want to show us where we will be living from now on". He strokes my hair as I turn towards him. The houses, of course. I forgot we would be shown them when we got off the train. I glance back towards Gale and to my disappointment he is gone. I can't see him anywhere. Why would he leave already without speaking to me? I can't think of what to do except follow Peeta to where our new victor's houses are.

The houses are more than I expected, I knew they would be 10 times better than what I was used to in District 12 but I didn't realise they would nearly be up to the standard of what I had seen in the Capitol. Hot water and electricity, even a phone! If only Gale was here to see everything, I don't think he's even seen a phone. Food wasn't an issue anymore but I knew I would still need to go out to the woods and hunt. It was the only place I felt normal, like myself. Peeta is looking at me now, I can see the concern filling his eyes and it hurts me that it's because of me he hasn't really cracked a smile since we got back here. I'll need to fix it. I plaster a smile on my face and brace myself to mask my emotions for a while. Peeta deserves to be happy, he didn't think he would get home and he didn't think it would be with me by his side.

"Would you like some bread and cheese?" he asks as I sit down at the kitchen table. "If you do I can go to the bakery and get some freshly made bread, Dad will have made some for us coming home"

"Yeah sure Peeta, I'll wait here though, not up for waking through the town and I'd like to spend some time with Prim"

He leaves and I watch his retreating figure, he'll be gone for a while. Especially since he hasn't seen his family yet. I know where I am going before I have even registered in my mind that I have left the house. I reach the fence and listen for the tell tale hum of electricity and unsurprisingly there isn't one. Pushing through the gap I decide to grab my bow in case I want to hunt. Heading to the woods I realised I just wanted to be in a familiar place, somewhere that was mines, somewhere I wasn't Katniss the hunger games victor, a star-crossed lover. In the woods I was just Katniss, someone who came here for peace and for food to feed her starving family. In the back of my mind however I know that the woods is also somewhere that is associated with Gale and subconsciously I need to be somewhere with my memories of us in here.

I take off my jacket and bask in the sunlight, after a while I decide to lie on it and close my eyes to enjoy the sun and the tranquillity. Not having to put on a mask, being able to look like how I feel without concerning those around me. After a while I feel like I'm being watched. I know it's impossible, no-one ever comes here. Then I pick up the sound of a twig being broken. Fear grabs me; I reach for my bow waiting to slay any animal that comes bounding out of the trees. But nothing appears. Settling down again, I feel a presence in front of me. Keeping my eyes closed I slowly reach across for my bow to find that it's gone. Startled I jump up and spin round.

Gale is standing there with my bow in his hands, staring at me. My heart is in my mouth, all fear is gone and only hurt fills me. Love is there too, I have the urge to throw my arms round him and hug him tight but something on his face makes me think that won't be received well.

"Surprised you didn't bring Peeta to our woods"

His words surprise me, why would I bring Peeta here? This is our place, mine and Gales hide out.

"Why would I? It's Ours"?

"Ours? There's an 'Ours'?"

"Of course there is? Why would you say something like that?"

"Because Katniss! You go off to the games and I am left here feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of you dying! Before we had a chance to live, to be together, and to be us! And then I watch you on TV and all of a sudden you're in love with a guy you only just met! I don't buy it at all! He gave you bread so you fall in love with him?"

"That's not how it happened! I didn't love him because he gave me bread, I fell in love with him because I was pushed into that situation! It was a fight for survival! You weren't there!"

"It wouldn't have mattered if I was there! I can't believe I thought we had a future if I meant that little to you the minute you spend time with another guy you immediately fall in love with him"

My head is reeling, I feel the sick coming up from my stomach and the tears burn my eyes. This isn't how I imagined being reunited with Gale. I knew it would be bad but I thought I would be able to get my point across, that he wouldn't be as angry and hurtful. He means the world to me.

"You mean everything to me Gale"

"I don't believe you Katniss"

I need him to believe. It hurts so much. I wipe my tears and throw myself towards him. I crash my lips to his, our first kiss. I need him to feel my love for him. He reacts instantly, returning my kiss with just as much force. This is what I should have had.


End file.
